One week ago today I was caught in a tailspin. That morning I opened my news feed page to find story after story about Rachel from the Biggest Loser. For some reason my husband and I had been following this season more than ever before, and although I would have placed my bets on Rachel, I was stunned to see exactly what she looked like in the finale.
Enter the tailspin.
As soon as I saw the photos and the numbers my mind started to race. Do my bones stick out as much as hers? Does my face look as gaunt as hers? What do I have to do to reach and maintain her weight?
But the most blaring thought in my mind, like a siren drowning everything else out: If I can make myself look like that, will I finally get everyone’s attention?
Because there she was, on stage in front of America, being applauded. Winning a quarter of a million. Winning a title. And the news stories haven’t stopped since then. The commentaries on whether it was too much weight loss too fast, whether she really should be applauded, whether the competition itself is fundamentally flawed.
I do so much to get the attention of others, rather than simply asking for it.. Simply asking for love and support, instead of subliminally showing my family and my friends that I need love and support. It’s time to address the issues. Time to address the loneliness and purposelessness instead of letting it drown me until someone notices and reaches a hand out to me.
Because the support is there. So many people in my life love me and want the very best for my future. I’m ready to start asking for and welcoming their help, being honest about my struggles and welcoming support. The support from others is a beautiful gift and I’m ready to accept it.